rxelyn: (emoness)
I think the most cruel thing someone can do to you would be to deny your existence. I'm not sure whether I phrased this correctly, but I have this friend who was so mad at her father's incompetence that she yelled something along the lines of 'if you two had stopped giving birth after my sister and I, then we wouldn't have all these problems.' Their situation is pretty terrible actually, father is ill with cancer, mother has to take care of two younger children, both below 10, hence there isn't much steady income and rising medical bills. My friend had to stop school for now to work, so that at least they still have some money to tide them over. Her eldest sister is working as well, and studies at a private school at night, so there's also school bills to take care of. It's not that my friend doesn't love her younger siblings, but more of the fact that life would be much easier without the extra mouths to feed. Or something along those lines.

I guess I was luckier back then, where no one saw me as a burden. Or if they did, they politely didn't discuss it loudly within earshot. Considering that I was only one person and generally quite mild, and the fact that my mother had plenty of friends and neighbours who were willing to 'adopt' me... yeah...

Hence it makes me sort of pissed off at my cousin's attitude towards her babysitter who happens to be my neighbour. So what if her kid caught chickenpox and a cold, he got them from the germs passing around in his kindergarten, not in her house. I don't get how she can blame the sitter. Who is kind enough to look after her two kids for like what, $500? She not only looks after them, she teaches them as well, small stuff, like reading and maths, etc. I had first hand experience, back when I was in primary school and my mother didn't trust me enough to be a latch key kid, I went over to her house everyday after school, where I had freedom to the entire collections of Enid Blyton, and those classics kind of books. And free tuition... not that I want to... but she saw my terrible math grades and started making me do assessment books in which she will mark and go through my mistakes. Okay, digression, but still, my cousin is being darn ungrateful if she cannot see beyond the small problems. And really, my nephew is one giant hell of a brat, I want to slap him every single time he starts wailing. Even when he's not bothering me directly, he still annoys me with the amount of noise he generates. At least his little brother is better behaved and more... endearing.
rxelyn: (epic fail)
Evidence that my mother belongs in the 1950s and has never left that era.

1. She complains that my room is so fucking untidy and that even guys have cleaner rooms and moans to heaven that why she has gotten such a lazy daughter.
Oh so guys have a monopoly on mess, is it? Isn't that just interesting to know, considering that I live with two elder brothers who probably have as much clutter as I do. >.> And you don't hear her yelling to them about it. Gender equality has apparently never seen our house.

2. She yells at me for sleeping late and waking up late and hence wasting away the entire day while my second brother is still snoring away in bed having only slept at like what? 3 or 4 am? And usually my eldest brother would be sitting before his computer, gaming away on FFXI or something.
Screw whatever I said about gender equality before. She wouldn't even know it if it danced before her stark naked and hit her upside the head for good measure.

3. She demands (mostly to herself) why she has gotten such a lazy daughter whereas her friends' daughters are all so hardworking, studying hard to get scholarships, helping out with chores.
So now we have some sort of a factory outlet for daughters? Like, you can waltz into the factory and expect all of them to be mass produced and therefore exact copies of each other? Well, maybe it's your fault that I'm so insert-whatever-derogatory-adjectives because when I was younger and much more susceptible to brainwashing, you didn't take the opportunity to turn me into your obedient mindless slave.

4. Threatens to wipe out my bank account whenever the topic of failing my piano exams comes up.
I'm pretty sure that has got to be illegal somewhere, because being someone's parents doesn't mean that they can steal their children's money without express permission from both parties considering that both parties are intelligent enough to protest the theft. Is being legal 18 or 21 in Singapore in terms of money issues? Because it really really really irks me to be threatened in my own home.

There's so much more I would like to retort to her except that I'm much too nice to bring out the grenades and rocket launchers. But one of these days, I might just blow up and end up saying too much that I will regret later on because I may fight dirty during the heat of the battle, but after that is fair game.

EDIT: luckily my brother is back with his girlfriend, meaning that she probably won't snap at me currently because she hates losing face before company.
rxelyn: (Default)


okay, I shall come back in half an hour's time before I type anything overly harsh.
be back in a bit

So I went over to National Library this morning to start on the history project and she was late, haven't even woken up. Which I sort of knew would happen.

I think my scowl managed to scare people from walking too near to me, lol.

Anyway, the basic fact is that we didn't get any work done at all. Ended up reading until lunch time where we went off to grab a bite. And then I was dragged to the Expo for Borders bookfair.

You know what? Never mind, I shall put this out of my mind. Fuck this, I'm going to watch Soul Eater now.
rxelyn: (FU)
I'm fucking sleepy as hell. I can feel the tiredness in my eyes, but I just can't bloody fall asleep. I hate this in-between feeling, like stuck in limbo because your mind is still working at like a fast pace whereas your body is shutting down. I'm making so many typos, it's not funny and there a dull ache in my head that I'm really tempted to head desk just to replace the pain. DDDD:

I tried reading, drinking water, browsing random sites, contemplated taking sleeping pills/prescribed medicine, listened to soothing music. Nothing worked and I'm still wide awake, at least mentally. It's not that I want to sleep at absurd times, like 3 or 4 in the morning, but my body refuses to allow me rest.
rxelyn: (distracted tesshi)
First day back and already a shit load of work waiting for me.

Thanks, world. I really do feel the love. No, really.

Still not really coping with school. It's all so surreal. I want to believe that this is all a dream. Or that I can rewind time and go back to Girton.

Managed to weedle our way out of the econs timed practice. But there's still the common test on Friday testing on monopoly. Which I have no clue of because we missed all the lectures being away.

And apparently there's history common test next Wednesday.
Oh and the freaking maths test tomorrow.

You see how much I look forward to life already?

Skipped choir this afternoon, just wasn't in the end to go, you know. How can I sing when my mood is just so bad?
And I've sort of been thinking of quitting choir. I mean, why stay in a cca that makes me miserable?
Don't get me wrong, I do love singing, it's an inherent part of me to sing, whether it be out loud or inside me. Without music, I'll just wither.
But choir just depress me. I'm not too sure why, but the thought of choir... just makes me miserable.
This wasn't the case back in Kranji. Sure, I may bitch about the practices but I still like going to the choir room and singing along with the rest of the members. Here... I don't feel the enjoyment of singing, instead, there seems to be an air of pented up frustration or something.

Anyway, went back home and just slept. From 4 to 8 pm. Haha, when my mother woke me for dinner, I nearly thought it was the next day already and that I have to prepare for school. Which made me so pissed off. Because, school. Like what?! Luckily, that wasn't the case.

And I had a great dinner, sticky Japanese rice (the only type that I like), a large plate of salmon sashimi, one of my favourite food. I think my mother noticed that I wasn't feeling too happy and tried to cheer me up with the food that I like. How does she know? Well, it doesn't help that I'm sort of constantly bitching about how I have to come back and no, I don't miss anything or anyone here. Why should I?



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